Challenge #6. Worry effectively.
How are your mental muscles feeling? Hope you are beginning to notice some of the effects of all this flexing.
We’re nearing the final part of our marathon. It’s time to talk worries.
We all worry about things we can’t change. There’s heaps of ‘what ifs?’ For some of us, it is an infrequent nuisance that ultimately causes very little long term stress or impairment. For other, worry can be a constant burden that leads to physical, psychological, and social upheaval. For some of us, worries bounce from topic to topic without any clear cause. For others of us, they focus on one primary issue (e.g., money, relationships). Some of us believe it is uncontrollable and some of us believe it is important for motivation.
In general, worry can be defined as a thought style that focuses on potential undesirable outcomes. Because it is often accompanied with the psychological and physiological symptoms of anxiety, worry can lead to fatigue, insomnia and other problematic outcomes.
Worry is usually an unproductive enterprise, though often we believe otherwise – thinking it is an important problem solving tool or a key factor in preventing problematic outcomes. This distorted belief is reinforced when the things we worry about rarely occur and then we might make the mistake of interpreting this fact as a sign that our worrying played a role in the outcome (I do this A LOT!) – ‘I worried, my feared outcome didn’t happen … looks like my worrying did the job.’ Reality is, the outcome would not have occurred even if we hadn’t worried but negative reinforcement is powerful.
If worrying about things you can’t change is something that you’d prefer to be less good at, today is the day to schedule it in your diary!
Scheduling your “worry time” to a single, 30-minute block each day can reduce your worries dramatically. Studies have shown that when patients with a mental illness are taught to catch themselves worrying throughout the day and then postpone their worries to the prearranged block of time, things seem less worrying. Even just realising that they were worrying can help people calm down, but stopping the worrying and saving it for later is the most effective technique.
Outside of this 30 minute window, if a topic prompts worry, acknowledge it, but try and delay thinking about it until the next scheduled worry time. In this sense, we’re not ignoring the topic, but rather allotting a specific time for it during the day. When the worry time window arrives, we can sit down and do nothing but worry for the entire span. Sounds awful, right?
What makes this approach useful is what actually tends to happen is that once we embrace the approach and implement it into our daily routine. First of all, we can learn that, even though worrying seemed uncontrollable, we are actually able stop worrying and delay the process until a later time. As such, one distorted belief - that worry controls them rather than vice versa - is challenged. Additionally, despite the belief that there is an infinite number of worries that could not possibly be covered in a mere 30 minutes, we can find themselves bored no more than 10 minutes into the worry session. At that point, we might realise that we are going over the same topic(s) repeatedly and that the worries are not as strong or anxiety provoking as they had seemed before. In this way, we might find that we generally tend to worry about one small set of topics and that, when worrying is delayed, the urgency of those thoughts diminishes substantially.
Worry time can help us take control of our own thoughts and to challenge any distorted beliefs about the importance of worry and their ability to control it. If a topic truly requires concern, it will still be anxiety provoking when worry time comes around and we can work to enact a specific plan to adjust to those circumstances. Most worries, however, will not have this impact and, as a result, we might find ourselves with a new sense of calm and a greater ability to handle ambiguity.
So today’s challenge is to set specific worry time. Need specific steps. Here they are:
This may feel strange and even silly to do, but try to not give in to those feelings and do it anyway.
- Schedule worry time each day for one week. Put it in your calendar. Start by setting aside 15-30 minutes during the morning or afternoon. That will be your worry time. It’s best not to schedule worry time right before you go to bed, for obvious reasons.
- During that 15-30 minute window, write down all of your worries that you can think of. Don’t put pressure on yourself to solve them during that window, but if your mind naturally goes there, that’s fine. Writing the worrisome thoughts down can be therapeutic in and of itself, as it often lends perspective over what’s troubling, in a way that can be more powerful than internal reflection alone. Remind yourself of your intentions at the start and end of each time period. For example, you might say to yourself: “This 15-30 minute block is for worry time, and I will do my best to not put attention on these worries outside of this time each day.”
- Between worry times: if you start to worry, tell yourself to let go of those thoughts until the next designated worry period. This will feel hard at first, and may require a lot of reinforcing self-talk (e.g., telling yourself over and over to let go of thinking about your worries until it’s the appropriate time). Try not to worry about worrying outside of your worry time! You won’t be perfect with this exercise, nobody is. But, your intention and effort will make a difference.
- At the end of the week, take a few minutes to look at what you wrote down over the course of that week. Do you notice any patterns? Any repeat worries? Any changes in the content of your worries? Reflect on this data. It’s common to find a “top ten” list of worries that get played out over and over again.
- After doing this for one week, consider trying it for another. As you practice this more, you’ll start to notice an increased ability to control when and where you worry; it’s akin to strengthening your muscle of thought control.
If you’d like some more tips and info you can find it here. Here’s to a (hopefully) less worrisome day Marathoners!